***Original Journal Entry*** February 22, 2018 I don’t understand myself anymore, so how can i understand anything else? A few weeks ago i read a comment online when i was lurking in a forum chat, and i can’t seem to get it out of my mind. It said- “A long time ago i made a list of things that were absolute, no questions with no … Continue reading Broken Boundaries and a Breakdown
(This is a copy of a Journal entry -including title and picture- written December 1st 2017) 10:21am Husband is at work and so far I’ve spent my morning watching porn with and fucking boyfriend. Some good porn, some trashy porn, and the first one we ever watched together. He eats me like I’m his favorite food, I gag and choke on his dick. ties … Continue reading Responsible Porn
(This is a copy of an actual journal entry written November 30, 2017, then Continued on December 11, 2017. The title and picture also come from the original journal entry) Once upon a time I became a meth addict. I suppose the story couldn’t just start there could it? What came first? How did I end up writing this at 2am in my bed, snuggled … Continue reading Once Upon a Meth Addict- A Bedtime Story
November 11, 2019 Always over thinking, thoughts that replay in my headBut I walk without hesitation knowing I may end up deadThe thoughts that make me falter, the ones that I cannot standAre the ones that effect my life, but are completely out of my handBrave enough for Battle, with enough confidence to win the warBut the one thing I refuse to do, I will … Continue reading Healing Hatred in a Heart
October 29, 2019 If you cant forgive something that someone did or said, can you ever move past it? If you do move past it, isn’t the relationship still permanently changed, despite however much you ma not want it to be? Personally my opinion for years has been that to forgiveness is a haughty and arrogant term that people use to condone or pass judgement … Continue reading Philosophy on Forgiveness-
(Untitled, Undated, started before going to jail, finished after relapse) A habit, a hobby, an addiction; keep it maintainableYou may still not survive, this games not sustainableWreaking havoc on your body while slowly destroying your mindYou still believe your lies, still claim you can quit anytimeA habit, a hobby, an addiction, life took an unexpected turnShards of icy crystals that crackle back and burnThoughts to … Continue reading A Habit, a Hobby – An Addiction
{ Cataclysmic Chaos} October 5, 2017 Beaten, battered, bruised, and shatteredHeartbroken, forgotten what once matteredToxic love starts to clot, turns to bittersweet hateCant escape, living an illusion with a doomed fateScreams should be silenced, when the voice is undergroundBut the cries of a victim is a haunting, endless soundHe’d do anything for her, he’d kill for her, on his kids he sworeTelling her he loves … Continue reading “Broken Ending” {Oct 2017}
{Eclectic Entropy} You think life would get easier, instead it just gets more complicated. The problem is that I am completely unsure of what I want. Actually, that is a lie. I know exactly what i want. the problem is that i cant have her, only her ashes. I’ve never known pure focus until her. Never knew that one person could consume so many thoughts, … Continue reading Late Night Thoughts- Semi-Suicidal
{Eclectic Entropy} Baby Trap is shutting down. It wont exist anymore as of tomorrow. Like everything else recently, i cant decide how i feel about whats happening. But the Baby Trap should be remembered, for its good and bad…….. Joel introduced me to the Baby Trap. It wasnt called that then of course. I named it about a year ago. Its kinda a trap, kinda … Continue reading Bye-Bye BabyTrap
{Cataclysmic Chaos} (Written sometime in 2017 or early 2018. Untitled, undated) Bathroom, Bottle cap, Lemon, Cotton, Pull backTie off a tourniquet, veins pop, needle leaves another track Embracing shadows in a cold place that has become my homeHeavenly poison, dont blame anyone, my choices are my own Relapse, backslide, a mistake; call it whatever you’d likeReality of it is, I chose it, its my life … Continue reading “Syringe of Heavenly Poison”
Once Upon A Meth Addict 